Happy first Heaven-day, Daddy!

Shortly after Aaron passed away on Wednesday, January 9, 2013, I decided that the focus of every January 9th would not be Aaron's death but his entrance into Heaven. As Christians, we are told not to grieve as the world grieves, as one with no hope. Now, that doesn't mean we don't miss him or cry over the holes left by his absence in our lives. It does mean that we are able to be joyful that he is with Jesus and confidently know that we will see him when we are called Home. It means that we confidently continue to trust God and give Him glory. It means we continue to move forward, continue living because God created us for a unique purpose. So, on January 9, 2014 we celebrated Aaron's life on earth, the way God so beautifully used him, and the eternal life he is enjoying in Heaven. Ben and I had quite the day doing things that Daddy would have loved!

We went to our MOPS group and then to Taco Bell for lunch. Aaron loved Taco Bell. Yes, I know. Mr. Particular About Food loved Taco Bell. Although, I doubt that he ever actually tasted the food since it was drenched in hot sauce by the time it hit his tongue. It was also another first for us. It was the first time in almost 18 months that we had entered a Taco Bell. I've been able to go to answer Ben's questions about Daddy and Heaven, visit his grave, speak with others about our marriage and journey with cancer, but the thought of entering a Taco Bell without him brought tears to my eyes. I have learned through experience that grief is unpredictable. You don't know if it will be a song, the soda aisle, or bad fast food that will bring on the tears.

Ben devoured his taco!

Once we got home and had a rest, we made a Heaven day cake for Daddy. I got to get creative and Ben learned how to decorate with a pastry bag...although at one point he was just squeezing the frosting directly in to his mouth so I'm not sure how effective that lesson was.

I wish she would just let me eat the frosting.

Look what we made!

We shared lots of stories about Aaron and read the "Daddy and Me" book I had made Aaron for Christmas 2013. Ben likes it because it is full of pictures of Daddy and him. We also watched quite a few videos on the iPad that Ben and Daddy made. After Ben went to bed, I watched CSI:NY and had a Coke. A few days after Aaron came home on hospice, we had a date night where we watched CSI. That was the last time I watched it. It was "our thing" and we would spend the episode predicting the culprit and the corny lines they inevitably drop. We always had to watch at least 2 - it's just the rule.

CSI:NY, Coke, and Aaron's sweat pants - this was our typical night at home

Any monumental milestone is an occasion to look back: to remember what was, consider what has been, and realize what is now. It has been difficult, especially the month of December, to comprehend that my memories of our "normal life" where real - we really lived that life. How much difference a year can make. Our lives are so different now, and even Aaron's grave site has changed over the past year.

January 17, 2013, the day after we buried my Aaron, my darling.

May 12, 2013 - Ben and Daddy Bunny reading Daddy's memorial stone

May 12 - The first time we saw his memorial stone

June 30, 2013

August 16, 2013

September 22, 2013

October 13, 2013

November 30. 2013

We began 2014 by visiting "Daddy's stuff" as Ben fondly calls his grave site, which was covered in snow and ice. We could not find his stone so we prayed and Ben played around his tree for a while before I told him it was time to leave. Ben began to cry and exclaimed, "Mommy! We have to read Daddy's stone and pray to Jesus!!" Since Aaron's stone arrived we read it and pray to Jesus every time we visit. I began a half-hearted search certain there was no way we would find the stone in all the snow and ice. Ben ran to a certain spot, yelled "Here it is!" and fell down on what looked like just another patch of snow covered ice.

January 1, 2014

He asked me to "get Daddy's stone" so I began smashing the ice with my heel assuming I would show him yet another spot where it wasn't. Imagine my shock as Aaron's memorial stone appeared out of the ice! We joyfully read Daddy's stone, talked to him, and prayed to Jesus on the very first day of 2014. What did we tell Daddy?

January 1, 2014

We told him the same thing I told Ben 2 hours after Aaron entered Heaven.
We told him the same thing Ben tells me when I cry reading "Goodnight Moon."
We told Daddy how happy we are for him. We told him how much we miss him. We told him that we'll see him when it's our turn to go to Heaven and be with Jesus.

For now, God still has work for us to do - something in which Aaron delighted.