Preschool!

On our way to Ben's preschool meet and greet!

Ben's best friend came to give her approval

I must have blinked! So many had told me not to and I couldn't keep from blinking. Now my sweet Peanut is a preschooler!!

It was never our intention to have Ben go to preschool. As a stay-at-home mom, I didn't want to miss a single minute of him growing up (well, maybe those tantrums I could skip over...). As a single mom, I realized it would be a great blessing for us to each have some individual activities. It was a great decision!

Ben is able to develop and explore the creative side he never knew he had spending his days with his anti-mess type-A mom. His teachers commented from the beginning on his love of creativity and the arts. It was hard to hear of this characteristic I didn't really know in my own son but so grateful for these patient women!

Art work that is now hanging in our playroom!

After his first day, we went to two of Ben's favorite places:

Red Robin for Cheeseburgers!

Dairy Queen for Sprinkle ice cream cones!

 He is loving learning, creating, and making friends.

Naturally, his favorite days are still "Gracie days" but preschool days are up there on his list of favorites.

What a big boy he has grown to be over these past 2 years. I am so proud to be his Mamma!

Lions, Tigers, and Ben! Oh My!

"Come on Lions! Tackle!!"

Ben has been learning to enjoy sports. He loves to play baseball in our backyard, football anywhere he can, and will even sit down and watch golf on TV. Aaron would be so proud.

Ready to walk to the stadium for Ben's first Tigers home game!

What Aaron would not be happy with is how long it took me to get us to a game at Comerica Park, home of the Tigers! We've been living 45 minutes away from the stadium for almost 2 years and finally made it to a game in August.

Tigers vs. Pirates

It was perfect timing as the Tigers were taking on Ben's hometown Pittsburgh Pirates! This was not Ben's first MLB game or even first Tigers game. Aaron and I took him to see the Tigers twice in Pittsburgh but this was his first game in Detroit, something Aaron always wanted to do with his kids.

First time to Comerica Park

Ben was mesmerized by the huge crowd of people flowing into the stadium. I could hardly keep up with him! He loved seeing the giant Tigers all over the stadium.

"Stop, Mommy! I'm trying to watch the baseball game!"

As Mamma, it was my duty to document this momentous occasion, much to the dismay of my son. This is exactly the response I would expect from the son of Aaron Moeller! He was able to sit through the entire game at 3 1/2 years old. It was Mamma who needed to get up and walk!

Checking out the field. He was already asking when we could come back!

As hard as I tried to get him to bleed green and gold, my son has become a Lions fan (I blame this on his father and Buppa). It has been Grandpa Jim's dream to take the whole family to a Lions vs. Packers game and this came true in September! I gave in and found Ben a Lions shirt so he could cheer for "his team"...*sigh*.

There is still time to come to the Green side, Ben!

 He was so excited about the game that he woke up at 6:10 cheering for the Lions. This fanship may be more deeply rooted than I expected! After we grabbed lunch, it was time to meet the family in front of the stadium. He was quite distraught by my delaying our arrival by taking pictures.

"Mommy!!! The game is starting!!!!"

We had a great time at the game! Despite being a family divided...

Please note that Ben and the photo-bomber are making the same face. 

...the grandkids were united, much to their delight.

OnePride

What a cool experience for Ben to see his team win at his very first NFL game!

Captivated by tackling

It is such a blessing to be able to enjoy these experiences with Ben. I am so blessed to see glimpses of Aaron in our son and introduce him a little more to his daddy. As much as Ben reminds me of Aaron, I LOVE getting to know Ben. He is certainly his own person and coming into that little boy more and more each day! Bugga-a-Boo, I love you so much...even if you remain a Lions fan.

Wow, Mamma! I love you, too...even if you are a Packers fan.

An interview with Ben

Cool guy!

Benjamin and I were playing a little game of "What is your favorite...?" to end nap time the other day. It is so fun to hear his responses instead of assuming I know the answer. I knew the answer to 99.9% of these, which makes me feel good about my mom-detective skills, but it has been amazing to watch him develop his personality and preferences.

So, meet 3 1/2 year old Ben:

Beginning to experiment with bow ties

What is your favorite...

City? Traverse City

He loves the beach!

Color? Blue!

He was Fireman Ben in blue

Number? 5 & 8 - he wants to hurry through 4 so he can be 5
Letter? B - anyone surprised at this?
Task/Chore? brushing teeth and baking cookies with Mommy (ironic pairing)

He was so excited when we found an apron that actually fit him!

Animal? the animals on the carousel at the zoo, especially the peacock - I tried to get him to give me an answer of a living, breathing animal but he just kept repeating his answer slightly annoyed that I didn't seem to be listening. His annoyed face is identical to Aaron's.

Story? Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
Character? Curious George - "Favorite" is not a strong enough word to describe his love and obsession with the "good but curious" monkey.
Food? Spaghetti
Drink? Milk
Snack? Colored goldfish
Dessert? Candy

I sure have a lot of pictures of him enjoying ice cream for his favorite dessert to be candy!

Fruit? Watermelon
Vegetable? Tomatoes
Movie? Spring Curious George and Christmas Curious George - He couldn't choose
Sport? Soccer, baseball, football, golf, tennis, basketball

Ben's first Tigers home game and they beat the Pittsburgh Pirates!

Even dressed in golf shorts!

Song? The ABCs - I'm pretty sure his favorite song is actually Jacob's Ladder but Grace announced the ABCs as her favorite song this afternoon.
Day? Sunday - God + fruit snacks + The Tie = Best Day of the Week!

Ben looks like Daddy in this picture

Who is your favorite person? Gracie - I am not surprised by his answer but he could have scored major points by naming the writer of this blog as his favorite.

Cousins and best friends

It takes courage to move forward.

A new friend and I were trying to figure out where to go for dinner. This would be the first time spending time together outside of our widow support group. This courageous woman joined my group soon after the sudden loss of her husband. She was coming up on her 30th birthday with an infant son at home.

"Do you like sushi?"

It seems like a simple question and yet it was another step in learning who I am after loss. What do I like? What am I willing to try? How have I changed?

"I don't know. Let's do it! Why not?" was my reply. Turns out I love sushi with tofu, avocado, tons of veggies wrapped in rice paper with the amazing cream cheese sauce! Who knew!

There have been so many "why not?" moments since Aaron died. So many moments of surprise as I find myself listening to jazz and read that book I wasn't sure I would like and am given the grace I need daily to take small steps of courage.

July 9, 2014 marked 18 months since Aaron died and Ben and I began our life after loss; learning what our new normal looks like. It seems appropriate to take time to recognize some of my small and large triumphs; to encourage you to acknowledge your daily triumphs, too.

1. Joined 3 groups without knowing a single person at any of them - Community Bible Study, MOPS, GriefShare - and meeting some of the most amazing women

My MOPS group threw a surprise birthday party for me!

2. Rented my first car and found it at the airport

Hello, free upgrade! Infinity G37!

3. Ran 13 races for families effected by cancer and organizations striving to link arms with those in crisis

Pure joy with my boy after my 13th and final race of my series!

4. Lead a widows' small group 8 months into my own widow walk and continuing to minister to these brave women
5. Share Ben's father with him every day

Ben loves to look at the photo boards from Aaron's visitations and hear stories about the pictures 

This is currently Ben favorite picture because Daddy is being silly with him. The love is so obvious!

6. Went on a date
7. Ran a marathon

4 hours and 33 minutes of running! 

8. Went to a Painting with a Twist class solo even after my entire group canceled at the last minute.

So much fun! Who knew I could paint?

9. Tried sushi

I had to take a picture to prove it actually happened! The middle kind was my favorite!

10. Chose to celebrate, not mourn, Aaron's Heaven day

11. Went to two weddings within 7 months of Aaron's death

So blessed that I didn't have to do these weddings alone!

12. Had family pictures taken of just Ben and me

I love this guy so much! Thank you, Sunbeam Photography for this beautiful gift!

13. Ran with Miles 2 Give in honor of our 7th anniversary

Truly a gift to know these amazing people!

14. Visited churches alone. I am so grateful for the wonderful people God has placed in my path as I visited!
15. Started my own Thirty-One business

16. Took Ben to the movie theater for Aaron's first birthday in Heaven

Isn't he the most handsome boy you've ever seen? He loved eating popcorn at 10:30 in the morning!

17. Sold Aaron's car and bought my first car

Good bye, Blue. You served us well. Hello, Shaunner!

18. Finding the blessings that God places in my life every single day, choosing joy in Him, and moving forward one step at a time!

I ran with Miles 2 Give!!!!

Ben in front of the Miles 2 Give RV - Life Elevated

Last year I followed Landon, Priest, and John as they ran from ocean to ocean. They stopped in Pittsburgh, had dinner with some fellow Sarcoma warriors, and toured Hillman Cancer Center where Aaron was treated. I couldn't believe they were right there taking pictures with people I knew! These three amazing men who suspended their lives for months to run across the country to bring attention, funds, and encouragement to Sarcoma warriors and their families. Amazing! You can donate, read their story, and reserve a day for your loved one here!

We met the Miles 2 Give team for lunch in Ann Arbor after one of their hospital tours. I was blown away by the care they took to focus on our conversation despite multiple text messages and e-mails beckoning from their phones for future events. The next thing I knew we were being invited to give miles and welcomed into the RV, Life Elevated, and my son was "driving" it! I stood in the door way trying to soak in my view as Ben made a straight dart to the driver's seat.

Ben and I on our way to the start spot where I started the night run!

I wrote Aaron's name on the ceiling after sharing our story with the team

Standing in Life Elevated is surreal. There are names and messages written over nearly every wall space, cabinet, and ceiling tile. Landon and the team have organized the signatures so that those they run for, those they give miles for are on a few special sections of ceiling tile. It is absolutely amazing.

Warrior paint applied

Ben is ready to give!

When the team gives miles they write the names of those they run for on their faces. This is a reminder of why they quit their jobs to run around the United States and live out of an RV. They shared in the heartache, beauty, and hope of our story. They cried with me, laughed with me, and encouraged me as I prepared to run 7 miles to give to Ben in memory of his dad and what would have been our 7 year wedding anniversary.

"Mom, I'm ready to rock and roll."

Ben and I with the M2G team

7 miles goal - 7 miles given!

To my Ben:

May a smile always cross your face at the mention of your daddy. May you always be a witness of the hope we have in Christ. May your heart always be tender to the joy and pain of others. You are a joy to my heart and purpose to my life. I thank God every day that He has blessed me as your mother because you have been made unique, with a purpose, and I have the privilege of being a part of the mighty things He is doing through you in this world. I pray you remember this day a day of strength, blessing, and love. I pray you remember this day as a visible reminder of God bringing about blessings through tragedy. I love you, Lil' B.