Cancer was not a stranger to Aaron. He was diagnosed as an 8 year old boy. He also had cancer as an adult and it was through cancer that he walked in to Heaven. Many of you know his story because you walked beside us in prayer through it. However, some of you don't so here is Aaron's cancer story:
On Sunday, May 2, 2010, Aaron woke up in pain and took some narcotics like he had been doing for almost 4 months. We got in the car and drove to church with him squirming the entire way with his fist pushed into his mid-back on the left side of his spine. We sat in the back of the sanctuary in case he needed to get up. 20 minutes in to the service, Aaron asked if we could leave. By the time we got to the car, it was all he could do not to scream out in pain. I drove him directly to the nearest hospital. After a multitude of scans and some heavy IV pain medications, they found nothing so we went home unsure of what was going on. At the end of May, we found out I was pregnant! We couldn't believe it! As much joy as we felt, it was shadowed by the unbearable pain that sent us to the hospital or medical center every other weekend throughout the summer - each time they found nothing.
Eventually, we were told the pain was likely due to the breakdown of the vertebrae in his lower back caused by radiation as a child. We were told he would likely have pain for the rest of his life...they could never know how accurate those words were. Aaron would lay down on the floor and have me dig my elbow as hard as I could into one specific location on the left side of his spine to take the edge off the pain. After one of these sessions, at 8 1/2 months pregnant, I ask Aaron to help me up from the floor. He was so afraid that helping me up would start a pain crisis that he told me he could not and I should crawl over to the couch. I cannot imagine how deeply that hurt him. I knew things were not good and my Aaron had changed.
Aaron began seeing a chiropractor who was able to help manage the pain (along with heavy narcotics multiple times a day). He went in for a routine physical on April 28, 2011 which included an x-ray. The x-ray showed an "abnormal shadow" which was confirmed by CT scan and MRI. In the middle of May, Aaron was sent for a biopsy. On June 7th we got the results - nerve sheath sarcoma...cancer...again. Aaron had his first surgery on July 5th. He was set up for bypass in case the 10 cm tumor did not peel off his aorta and they would need to reconstruct it. We were informed that it was possible that he may be paralyzed or worse. Aaron came out with the best case scenario. The doctors felt they had removed all the cancer. 4 rounds of chemotherapy and 5 rounds of radiation were done as a precaution and he finished just in time for Christmas!
In February, 2012, we went in for a routine follow up CT scan. Dr. Tawbi, Aaron's oncologist, came in and told us there appeared to be a pocket of fluid in his left lung on the scan and to keep an eye out for pneumonia symptoms. His next follow up scan was moved sooner, to April, to monitor this pocket, which was there again. By this time, Aaron has been having pain for 3 months but I continued to try to convince him that it was still post-surgical pain. Aaron knew, just like he did in May of 2011, that he had cancer again. In May, 2012, Dr. Tawbi and his surgeons agreed that this pocket of fluid was another tumor. Aaron went through another surgery on June 1, 2012. During the post surgical discussion I was told that 4 tumors were removed from his chest and 1 that was left in his abdomen (radiation was the plan for this one). 6 weeks after surgery, Aaron walked 3.1 miles pushing Ben in his stroller during the 2nd annual Pittsburgh Cure Sarcoma 5K! The joy, gratefulness, and pride I felt as he walked across that finish line was a feeling that fills you so deeply that you think you could burst!
3 days after the race, July 17, 2012, he had his first post-surgical scan and a meeting with Dr. Tawbi. The news we received that day was devastating. All I remember are snippets - "It's not good, Aaron. Your cancer is back." "It is in a location where surgery and radiation are not options." "We don't have many chemotherapy options because of your kidney disease." "Yes, all of those areas lit up on the scan are cancer." "I am so sorry." Aaron held me as I sobbed into his chest unable to breath, unable to comprehend what was happening to our family, our lives. The next morning Aaron looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "Jenny, I think I am going to die soon." It was the beginning of his end and he knew it. We tried to get him in a study but his kidney numbers were just a little too high to be accepted so we elected a chemotherapy he had as a child, which posed a high risk of damage to his heart. In late September on his 30th birthday we got the great news that the chemotherapy seemed to be working!!!
December 4th brought another CT scan and another appointment with Dr. Tawbi. He walked in and asked how we had been doing and how Aaron was feeling. I don't remember what Aaron said but I imagine he talked about the pain he was still having. "Aaron, the chemotherapy is not working. Your cancer is growing and it is growing quickly." This time Aaron was the one not be able to comprehend the words that had been spoken. Isn't it amazing how sounds made from moving your lips and tongue can change your whole world? My darling was such a fighter and so stubborn! He asked Dr. Tawbi to literally remove the entire left side of his chest. He reasoned that he had lived with one damaged kidney for 22 years so why not one lung and he knew the surgeons could make chest walls out of concrete. Dr. Tawbi focused us to an anti-growth medication he wanted to try instead and told us we would likely have 3-12 months left together.
Things moved quickly after that appointment. Aaron never did get to try the anti-growth medication because he was too weak already and only got weaker. The week after our appointment, Aaron was admitted to the hospital with confusion and disorientation from a medication overdose and spent a week in the hospital. We were discharged and blessed to celebrate Christmas in our home with our families. Aaron courageously attended Christmas Eve service with us at our church. It would be his last time in our church alive. He was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday, December 26, 2012 for his second bowel obstruction. I spoke with his oncologist over the phone on Thursday, desperate to get a clear picture of Aaron's prognosis as I suspected it was worsening much quicker than originally thought. That afternoon, I sat on the side of Aaron's bed, held his hand, and told him that Dr. Tawbi felt he had 2-3 weeks to live. Aaron looked at the end of his bed with a thoughtful stare and said, "It's weird to think, when I look in the mirror, that I only have that long to live. I don't think I look that bad." No tears, no anxiety attack, no pity party. Not from Aaron. The week in the hospital was a mix of sorrow as we faced his mortality as well as joy with visits from our family and close friends.
Aaron was discharged from the hospital on January 2nd. As the hospice nurses taught me to use the equipment and checked the medications that had arrived, Aaron sat in his hospital bed and asked, "So...how does this usually happen? I mean, will I just stop breathing?" That was my man! He was so brave, so spiritually strong, that he was able to look death in the eyes. His last week was spent in that hospital bed in the living room watching his son play, holding his parents' hands, listening to his in-laws talk, and praying with his wife. He took his last breath at 5:00 am on Wednesday, January 9, 2013 as I held his hand.
I wish cancer's story ended with Aaron's breath. But it doesn't. This year, our race shirts will not have the words "In honor of" anywhere on them but they did last year and two years before that. Cancer takes lives. It takes happy moments and places a shadow of pain over them. It invades the body and the memories. However, as much as cancer tried to do, it could not overcome Aaron's faith in the Lord; it could not diminish the love for his wife, son, or family; it could not steal his joy.
How can you help in memory of Aaron Moeller?
1. Donate: By Check - Please send a check made to the "Aaron R. Moeller Memorial Fund" and indicate the "PCS" in the notes section. If you need my mailing address, please send me an e-mail or leave a comment with your e-mail address so I may reply privately. Online - Please go to our team website and make a donation. All funds will go to the Sarcoma Foundation of America!
2. Run: Come check out Pittsburgh with us! You can register online. Be sure to let me know so I can look for you!
3. Spread the word: Please tell your friends and family by sharing the link to this post on your Facebook or in an e-mail...
4. Pray:
* Pray for our family as the 6 month anniversary of Aaron's passing was on Tuesday and this will be our first race without him
* Praise that Aaron was a man of faith who lead those around him in joy to his Savior
* Pray for the loved ones and friends of others who have passed away as we prepare to come together in their memories
* Praise for specialists and medical teams who devote their lives to those suffering from this disease that attacks from the inside
* Pray for those who are currently diagnosed with cancer, that they will have courage, wisdom, and joy
* Pray for those who will be diagnosed in the future, that a cure will be available
* Please also pray for the runners and the fundraising of the race and this race series
Dear Jenny, Thanks for sharing your story with me. You are such a strong and beautiful person inside and out. I am glad you and Ben are in my life now, and always look forward to seeing you guys. Good luck in your hardest race this weekend. Love you all, Judy
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