The e-mail I wrote 2 years ago

2 year ago today, Aaron and I left our 4 1/2 month old son in the caring hands of our friend, Jamie, to meet with his doctor. Our appointment was to discuss the results of the needle biopsy of a mass in his torso on May 25, 2011. It was an early morning appointment and I think we were even back to the house by 10:30. It was a rainy, grey day, which fit the news we received. Aaron already knew in his heart that cancer had invaded his body and his life again. I didn't believe. I couldn't believe it because that would mean that my husband, the father of my son, was very very sick and my little family was about to go down a road I was not ready to travel.

Hanging out with Daddy on biopsy day

I had never met Aaron's doctor before this meeting. He was "old school" with a suit, sitting behind a large wood desk with styled white hair. I can't remember if we made small talk or not. I just remember pulling out my pad of paper and pen praying, "Jesus, please don't let it me cancer. I am not strong enough for it to be cancer. Aaron already had cancer. Please don't let it be cancer." Aaron looked at me, already in the roll of secretary, ready to write down the facts to be relayed to family and friends. "We got the biopsy results back. Aaron, you have cancer." Boom. That was the sound of my world crashing in around me. I looked at Aaron. He doesn't look like he has cancer. He just looks like my husband. He doesn't look any different than he did yesterday. How can he have cancer? We went on to talk about who we should see, what type of cancer it was, and what our next steps entailed.

It makes me sad that this was completely normal for us

On the way out of the building, Aaron was hungry so we stopped at a little cafe, bought some breakfast sandwiches to go (man, he loved those things!), and headed home. Poor Jamie asked how the appointment went. I remember saying, "not very good" but can't remember if I told her Aaron had cancer or if I cried. Fortunately, Ben stayed down for his nap so Aaron and I could eat (I still don't know how we managed to do that) and talk about what to share and who do we call. He began the phone calls as I put together an e-mail (the e-mail below) of what we knew and what was ahead.

June 7, 2011

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We had an appointment with Aaron's doctor to go over his biopsy results today. Aaron's tumor is malignant. Obviously, this is not the answer we were hoping and praying for, however, God is merciful and his tumor is the best case scenario for having a malignant tumor.

Aaron has a peri-spinal soft tissue sarcoma that is 8 centimeters (3 inches) long. This means that it is NEAR the spine, but NOT from the spine (praise God) and not in his blood (praise God) and sarcomas are mainly contained and seem unlikely to spread (PRAISE GOD). They also believe this is the only tumor! From the lab result, it looks like this tumor is coming from the protective covering of a nerve coming from the spine, which seems to explain his pain from the past year.

We are scheduled to meet with Dr. William Donaldson on Wednesday, June 15th at 9:15 am. He is an orthopedic surgeon with a specialty in spinal surgery. He is actually the head to the spinal surgery department of UPMC. Aaron's doctor was hopeful that the only treatment he would need is surgery if this is an operable tumor. If it is inoperable, we will face the decision of chemotherapy and/or radiation.

Prayer needs:
Pray that Dr. Donaldson would be able to prepare for our appointment next week. Pray that he would determine that this tumor is operable and will be the only treatment necessary. Pray for wisdom as he reviews Aaron's CT scan, MRI, and biopsy/lab results and determines the best course of action and that he would have compassion and clarity while discussing them with us.
Pray for Aaron. This is the second time he has had cancer. In God's goodness, He has increased Aaron's faith and been holding him throughout his life, giving him the grace to endure such hardships and being a light for his family and friends. Aaron is doing well now, and pray that God would continue to grant him peace as this news sinks in.
Pray for our families. As for Aaron, this is the second time his parents have had to learn that their only son has cancer. I cannot believe how difficult it is to go through once, let alone twice. Pray that God would grant them "peace that surpasses all understanding" and that they can be a light and witness to the rest of his family and us as well.
Please pray that God would use this and us for the glory of His kingdom and to be salt and light on the earth. Pray that we would grow in faith and cling to Him as we journey down the path He has laid before us. Pray that we can use this to later teach Benjamin about the goodness, mercy, love, and protection of our Abba Father.

Thank you so much for your continued prayer and crying out to God on our behalf. We are truly blessed to have such a wonderful church family.

Love,
Jenny and the Moeller family

P.S. here is a website with questions and answers on soft tissue sarcomas
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Sites-Types/soft-tissue-sarcoma